Freak Blog

Uninvited Guest

Brandon — Sat, 18 Mar 2006 20:14:00 +0000

We've seen a few mouse droppings around the kitchen where we're staying. Given that we're at the edge of a jungle, I'm not suprised. There are also a few geckos running about, but at least they eat bugs. Well, the mouse was dumb enough to run out in plain view one night. I asked our hosts if they had a mouse trap. They gave us a humane trap, which I baited with a bit of cheese. That night, we had caught a very fat little mouse. Our host took the mouse down the road to an open field and released him.

Tonight, we saw another mouse running around. I baited the trap, and not 5 minutes ago I heard it go off. Here's the fatty that ate our bagels and bananas.

Goodbye, Tedd

Brandon — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 06:18:00 +0000

It's been a bummer of a week to have before the wedding. Amber's long-time friend and hair stylist committed suicide last weekend, and his memorial was today.

Some friends have set up a web site and forwarded out some of his more creative writings. Rather than dwell on losing him, I'd like to share one of his writings.

Everyone has received those stupid chain letters that ask meaningless questions about you. Here is Tedd's response to one.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:30 am in a shitty hotel
in Reno

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Golly gee, I just can't decide. I'll bet you'd choose a pearl necklace though.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Spiceworld, and it fucking rocked.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Strangers with Candy

5. What did you have for breakfast? A Wellbutrin and 2 Budweisers

6. What is your middle name? Why, it's Michael! Thanks for asking!

7. What is your favorite cuisine? I don't eat cuisine. I eat food.

8. What foods do you dislike? Regurgitated foods.

9. What are your favorite potato chips? Fascinating question... let me get back to you on that.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Kasabian

11. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but I'm often driven to drink.

12. Favorite sandwich? A fucking well made Reuben, and don't skimp on the sauerkraut, bitch.

13. What characteristics do you despise? Most human ones.

14. Favorite item of clothing? Vans sneakers.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? To bed.

16. What color is your bathroom? Blue

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Ben Davis and Ben Sherman

18. Where would you retire? I dunno

19. Favorite time of the day? .* yawn *

20. Favorite sport to watch? Cockfighting

21. What do you expect? This to end soon.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Me

23. Who do you expect to send it back first? Nobody because it's fucking boring.

24. What fabric detergent do you use? What the fuck are you on, dude?

25. Coke or Pepsi? A good crap.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Leave me alone.

27. What is your shoe size? Fuck you.
28. Do you have any pets?
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family and friends?
30. What did you want to be when you were little?
31. What are you supposed to be doing today?
32. Your birthday?
33. Who sent this to you?

WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP??

Jesus Tapdancing Christ...who the fuck wrote that shit, Mr. Rogers on meth? If you're going to irritate your friends with a fucking chain email that is basically the equivalent of a 3rd grade girl's slam book, you could at least ask some interesting questions. Who the fuck cares what you ate for breakfast? Let's hear some fucking dirt already. I'm taking this motherfucker by the horns, you simpering little Ann Landers, and I'm making the questions up as I go along and smoking some crazy ass chronic to boot, so if you find any or all of the following questions inappropriate or offensive, please delete this email and go fuck yourself. Enjoy!

1. Do you like chain emails? Only when I write them.

2. Are you completely sober right now as you read this? Abso fucking lutely not.

3. Which celebrity do you want to kill the most? Paris Hilton

4. How would you do it? Hmmm... I'd try something Hannibal Lecterish, like feeding her her own body parts. I'd make her eat her own pussy first.

5. When did you last masturbate? While I was filling out the previous questionnaire... it was that stimulating..

6. If you were stranded on a desert island with only one drug, what would it be? OxyCotin...why be modest?

7. Which musician do you want to fuck the most? I wouldn't mind giving that Robbie Williams guy a little four finger action. Not at all...

8. Where's the most embarrassing place you've ever puked? Outside Ross Dress for Less on Market street at 8:45 am on a Saturday while ODing on GHB. So glamorous!

9. Have you ever fooled around with someone of the opposite gender of your sexual preference? I'll get to you bi kids later...you lucky fucks. Hell yes! Put enough liquor in me and I'll fuck a goat, for Christ's sake.

10. Who do you want to be president? Margaret Cho

11. What drug did you have the worst experience with? All drugs that go by initials... E, K, GHB, LSD... they've all scared the living shit out of me.

12. What song pisses you off the most? "Believe" by Cher... it's like road rage times 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

13. What's the most orgasms you've ever had in a 24 hour period? I think it was 7 and then I sprained something,

14. If you could be any person (living or dead) for one day who would you be? Cameron Diaz. I'd strap on a huge dildo, fuck the shit out of Justin Timberlake and then jump off a cliff.

15. What is your favorite kind of Campbell's soup? Minestrone

16. What is your favorite swear? Fuckity fuck fuck six fags in a truck

17. Name 3 famous people you think are gay and not admitting it. Eminem (total bottom), Brigitte Nielson (duh), and the entire cast of Jackass. Yum.

18. How big is the biggest penis you've ever seen in person? Guesstimate, but don't exaggerate. I once saw this horrifically ugly Filipino twink with buck teeth and a fucking 10 inch flaccid dick at the Dore Alley Fair. I never went again.

19. If you could have any superhero power, what would it be? Don't be douchey and say flying or telepathy... be creative. I'd like the power to eliminate people at will... I swear I wouldn't abuse it!

20. What's the most embarrassing fashion trend you fell prey to? Well, the "Pepe le Pew" dyejob I'm currently sporting is pretty fucking tragic, but my 10th grade "foot long braided tail, Chess King wardrobe accessorized with 7 Swatches and a million friendship bracelets" look nearly got me killed.

21. What song do you love but are too ashamed to admit to anyone? Cold Hearted Snake by Paula Abdul. I should just end it all now.

22. What's the weirdest/grossest food you've ever tried? Alligator when I was in New Orleans. It tasted just like chicken, what a surprise.

23. What would you change your name to? First and last, please. Spiewack McDermott

24. What is your favorite insult to shriek at shitty drivers during a road rage moment? HEY DICKSMOKER! IF I HAD AN ASS BIG ENOUGH I'D SWALLOW YOU WITH IT AND SHIT YOU OUT ON YOUR MOTHER'S LAP! It's lengthy but extremely satisfying.

23. And last but not least... burial or cremation - which is right for you? Please support your answer. I'd like to be ground up into fertilizer and spread over a crop of kick ass California Chronic, which would then be harvested by hot stoner guys, named after me (everyone's so into naming weed nowadays...WTF?), and smoked by all my loved ones. Couldn't you just weep?

In lieu of the "copy not forward and send it to 30 people right away and your wish will come true" load of crap, why not add a question of your own and send it to whoever the fuck you want? It's a free country.

Eeek! Spiders!

Brandon — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 21:44:00 +0000

We had the shit scared out of us last night. Amber saw something move out of the corner of her eye. I turned on the light and it was one of the biggest fucking spiders I've ever seen. This guy was about 3.5 inches across, and creepy as all hell. A little work on Google, and I found that it was a Cane Spider.

There are some other pretty cool spiders around too. These guys make webs all over and eat the mosquitoes and other flying critters. They aren't as creepy, since they don't go wandering around the house at night while you're sleeping.

National AIDS Marathon Training Program

Brandon — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 17:21:00 +0000

Amber and I have begun training for the Honolulu Marathon in December. We're training with the National AIDS Marathon Training Program, which is a pretty cools program. We're only at 5 miles now, but we'll reach 26 miles by November.

I've been running on and off since high school, but I've never done serious distance like this before. The only other long run that I've done was the Calistoga to Santa Cruz Relay, and that was 8 years ago and was run in 3 runs which were 6 miles each.

On the plus side, the training program seems really good. You are grouped with other runners who keep a similar pace. I'm stuck at a solid 9:45 mile, which puts me into the 10:00 group. I'm a little nervous about being able to finish it and to keep the pace, but I think it's possible.

Amber and I need to raise $3,000 each. It's possible to make a donation at this page. Most companies will provide matching funds for any donations, since it is a charitable contribution to a non-profit organization.

The Burrito Of The Beast

Brandon — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 20:54:00 +0000

I'm out of the office this week for training, and while that's relevant it's not the point of this post. Because the training is in San Jose, I don't really know where to go for a decent lunch.

On the way to the class, I passed a strip mall (of which San Jose has many) with a few restaurants. I decided to head back there for lunch, and went to a burrito place called "Una Mas".

I knew I was in trouble when my order number was 666.

The most disappointing thing: The food was diabolically bad, rather than devilishly good.

<Time passes...>

It was inevitable that the Burrito of the Beast would have the final word, and the bathroom has been left as a testament to its wrath.

Look out below!

Brandon — Wed, 10 May 2006 03:55:00 +0000

Amber took her friend Jenn skydiving, and I decided to go along ...

Vroom Vroom!

Brandon — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 22:16:00 +0000

Yesterday, Amber took her motorcycle out to a nearby parking lot and spent some time riding around. All she needs to do now is take the written test at the DMV!

Saw the doctor

Brandon — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 22:49:00 +0000

I went to the doctor about the weight loss yesterday. I got a pretty basic exam, but also had blood work done.

It turns out that I'm just a skinny guy. It's normal to lose weight after food poisoning, and I just haven't put it on again quickly. I need to make myself eat more, and start doing weight training again to build up more muscle.

The most depressing thing from all this: I have no butt anymore. It seems to have fallen to the wayside.

Motorcycle Accidents

Brandon — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 20:27:00 +0000

Before anyone is concerned, I wasn't in an accident.

Two friends of mine have been involved in motorcycle accidents in the last few weeks. Taylor was in a fairly serious accident earlier this month that landed him in the hospital and totaled his bike.

I just got an email from Sonya about an accident that she was a witness to and as a doctor, a first responder. She sent me this little bit from the local paper:

PRESCOTT -- One woman died and another received injuries Thursday night when a car and a motorcycle collided on Montezuma Street just north of Sheldon Street in Prescott, police said.

Police said the driver of the motorcycle was not wearing a helmet.

In spite of this, I'm not about to stop riding. I simply don't have the patience to sit in Bay Area traffic. I take some precautions and do what I can to minimize the risks, but I'm not going to live in a bubble.

Exercise & Fitness

Brandon — Thu, 18 Aug 2005 20:12:00 +0000

I managed to get up and go running again this morning, another 2 miles. I'd like to do it at least 5 days a week and then start upping my mileage to about 4 miles. I was able to do finish a 4 mile run in about 35 minutes a few months back, oh how I've lost progress.

Still, I think if I can do 20+ miles a week it's a good start. Maybe throw in a 8+ mile run on the weekends, or do some hill running.

I need new running shoes. My über expensive New Balance 1221 shoes are the first ones to not give me blisters in a while, but the lining in the heal cup has worn and I'm starting to get blisters again. I'm not sure what I can do to prevent the same wear in my next pair. These only have a few hundred miles on them, probably less than 1000, and at $130 a pair I don't want to replace them too often.

Of course, this probably means a trip to the NB store in SF to make sure that the fitment is right. Hopefully my current pair can be salvaged. I hope I won't need a different size or if my shoes are just worn out. Because I'm an impatient bastard, I'll probably buy the new pair there at a premium.

Going to the store will give me a good opportunity to buy some trail running shoes too. Ambo has wanted to do more hiking lately. I can get in a run while she hikes with Sibrina.

I'm trying to get back into the gym more, but I'm just not feeling that motivated. Part of it is having met my goal last year, part of it is having fallen head over heals, and part of it is just feeling worn down when I get home from work. I think I'm going to start going in the mornings (which is typically a bad time for me to work out) because I won't have an excuse not to go later.

I also need a new but reasonable goal. I've accepted the fact that I'll never have a lot of sheer muscle mass; it's just not my body type. My goal last time was to have a 6-pack stomach by the New Year. (It's still kinda there, but not quite as pronounced due to my slacking and Warcraft.)

My new goal is to get my body fat percentage down to about 8-9%. It shouldn't be that hard, I'm around 11-12% now so it really just comes down to losing about 5-7 pounds and maintaining (or adding to) my current muscle.

A more long-term goal is to do a marathon next year. I said I would do it this year, but knee problems kinda killed that hope. I'm also going to (finally) do the Bay to Breakers. Hopefully Sonya will come out and run it with me; we've only been talking about doing it for 10 years.

Happy Halloween, Bitches

Brandon — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 17:28:00 +0000

Ambo had a very cool Rainbow Bright costume this year. It was pretty authentic (ie: not "Slutty Rainbow Brite") and looked awesome with her red hair.

I hadn't originally planned on wearing a costume, but I was finally talked into it by Ambo. We cobbled together the following bit at the costume shop:

Lab Coat with "Proctologist" badge
Pirate Hat
Eye Patch
Hook Hand
Latex Glove

That's right, boys and girls: My Halloween costume was "Butt Pirate".

After work, we went to Buca di Beppo in Palo Alto for Sibrina's birthday dinner. We had to leave early to get to Great American Music Hall for the Alternative Tentacles show. We missed seeing Turn Me On Deadman (which was fine by me, they were OK but not great the last time we saw them). We were there in time to catch The Dicks who were opening for Jello Biafra & The Melvins.

It wouldn't be a Jello show without an asinine political diatribe, and we weren't disappointed. On the plus side, there was some asshole in the stage that was waving a "wand" (part of his costume) near the stage. Jello grabbed it and spent a good part of the song taunting the guy with it before giving it back.

The SF show was the only one in the tour that The Melvins didn't play a set of their own music. With the other bands playing there wasn't time for them to, but we were there to see The Dicks and The Melvins. I don't give a rat's ass about Jello Biafra.

Wedding photos

Brandon — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 21:43:00 +0000

We've got photos from about half of the people at the wedding. I'll be adding more as I get them.

Wedding photos

Holy Crap, That's Fast!

Brandon — Fri, 18 Nov 2005 00:24:00 +0000

A co-worker just came by and pointed out a few tweaks to make to Firefox that speed it up by an order of magnitude.

In about:config, make the following changes:

network.http.pipelining -> Set to True
network.http.proxy.pipelining -> Set to True
network.http.pipelining.maxrequests -> Set to 8

There are more that you can change listed in the Firefox Tuning thread over at Mozillazine. The improvement from pipelining is incredible though.

Fun in the sun?

Brandon — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 20:26:00 +0000

We've been in Hawaii for over a week now, and have seen the sun twice in that time. They say that rain is a blessing, in which case we're extra blessed.

We don't have the official wedding photos, but here's a shot that a friend took shortly after the ceremony.

In case folks haven't been paying attention to the news (it has been on CNN after all) a dam burst on Kauai, washing out the only highway connecting the north shore to the rest of the island. We're staying on the north shore, and were stranded here for a few days. There weren't food shortages before the road reopened, but the grocery stores were sold out.

This is a photo from the site where we had our wedding on the 12th...

And here's an arial photo of the damage caused by the broken damn on the 14th. The wedding site was right above the "S" in this photo.

The road from Hanalei has been closed a few times due to high water in the Hanalei river. When the level gets above 6.5 feet or so, the road will probably be shut down.

That's it for the update right now. The rain has stopped for a while, so we may go outside. Either that, or head next door for a "Gecko" St. Patrick's Day drink.

No more excitement, please

Brandon — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 03:01:00 +0000

The last two weeks have been exciting.

I've had a friend kill himself.

My sister had labor induced today, but did not give birth. I don't know when they will try again.

My wedding is in less than one week.

To top it all off, the hard drive in my Tivo crashed.